Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
