im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
