If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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