Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
