Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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