Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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