if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
