just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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