Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
