he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Congratulations! We have a period
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