He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How external is "for external use only"?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
