No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
