i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
