DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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