How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
