SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You pole danced in your parka.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
