I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
