So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
