I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
