The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
