Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
