It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
