Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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