I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
