I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
