So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
