All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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