i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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