Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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