I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.