I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it hurts more in the daytime
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.