I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.