We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed