Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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