Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
