I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
