All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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