waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
