i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
