In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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