I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
