You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
