Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
