my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
