I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
