Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
