I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found your dick twin last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
