can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
