I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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