3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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