Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
