The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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