just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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