I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
