What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
