I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
