im six kinds of drunk right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
