Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
