Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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