I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
