I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
