THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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