I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
