he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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