You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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