You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
