i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
